Before, I talked about the problems that are not seen. Really, we will only be able to address those problems if we are looking out for them, and establish communication channels with our children that allow us a window in. Otherwise, it is an impossible task. From a tremendously distant, cold, very authoritarian educational style, it will be very difficult for us to get access to these types of issues. From an absolutely undefined, tremendously flexible style, where we are less like parents and more like peers, that will not happen either. That is because we will lose that thoroughness. It is a perfectly attainable balance.
On the one hand, we always say that teenagers want some kind of boundaries from parents, because their friends will not set any, but they also want parents to be active listeners and be really interested. Although sometimes, paradoxically, it does not seem that way.
One of the most important things is to leave our comfort zone. Parents feel safe when talking about topics related to school, how much you have eaten, how you have eaten, who you have been with, what you have done and how much homework you have. There are a number of topics that will be subject to repetition and insistence, which teenagers clearly no longer put up with. There comes a time when they will divert your attention. And if they isolate themselves, this will not help us to connect. The first: forget about this type of communication. The value of the communication is the outcome and the effect for the recipient. Teenagers are recipients of other types of communication.
We want them to understand what responsibility is, what it means to be an adult, because we already consider them adults for a great many issues, but it is difficult for us to understand a stage we have already passed through and that we could perfectly understand; it is difficult to relate. We need greater proximity to the teenager. That is, being able to listen to them, be able identify their interests. One of the great difficulties is being able to understand what is going on in their head, what interests them, without being critical. Once we adopt a much more empathetic language, and try to see what games they have on their console or what are things that, as adults, we might not be interested in at all, there can be an important connection.
What they want is for their parents to be interested in their stuff. That's essential. Even if we find their stuff trivial or contradictory to what we think - that path, those children who play sport, play that music, who do those extracurricular things that parents approved of. And suddenly they start wanting to do things, like one kid who wanted to do boxing. And the parents immediately start thinking about them being a tremendous boxer. Or the kid who wants to start playing an instrument, and to play with a group, and parents are already starting to panic because they start associating that with the risky behaviors that sometimes worry us. You have to give yourself a reality check and connect with your teenagers, and they will be delighted that you have. Not to share it, because we are realistic, and we know that as parents we don't get told everything, but it will start to trickle in. Especially if they understand that when they tell you something, you won't get angry. And beyond that, they won't criticize me and tell me that I'm wrong for thinking something If these two elements are well managed, everything else will get easier.