See the full video here.
We are not aware, because no one has ever told us, of how much our gaze affects the quality of our connection with others. Not only our connection, but our possibilities for fulfillment, not just for each human being, but for every life form. In psychology, this is referred to as «the appreciative gaze».
We are unaware of the importance of interweaving two major universes, those of education and training. There are people who have had access to very good training, but who are rude, because they do not have heart. And there are people who have not been able to access good training, but who are extraordinarily well-educated. I believe that, at school, we must shape and supplement the education that is offered in the home. I also believe that, in the home, we must create the circumstances for education to flourish and complement the training that is offered at school. And in both contexts, both teachers and parents must have this appreciative gaze that gives wings. Our gaze — and when I say gaze, we should say our existential posture, our way of being in the world — makes manifest our belief system, what I believe about myself, what I believe about you, what I believe about life. Imagine we were capable of an unbiased appreciative gaze, that we were able to focus on the kindnesses and virtues, without losing critical thought, of course. If we could free ourselves from false beliefs about ourselves, from prejudices against others, and from projections, which are what others think that I think about them, we would be much closer to something crucial, which is reality. And, in the end, so that a… I believe that we are born women and men, but we become human. Humanization is a conquest, and in that humanization, there are three principles that must be interwoven: the principle of pleasure, the principle of responsibility, and principle of reality. When we are able to interweave these three principles, responsibility, commitment, pleasure, joy, and reality, we realize what humanization is, and we have so much more capacity for individual and collective transformation. Moreover, if to this concept we add an appreciative gaze, we strengthen those three principles and are able to achieve much more, individually and collectively.
To love is to inspire others to help a loved one build new, objective realities: to be able to finish a project, to pass an exam, to do good research work, to give themselves permission to do something that they are afraid of. But also, to inspire them to find new meanings in life. Those who love want for their loved ones to build an internal narrative that will sustain them, especially in moments of adversity, and stories can help with that. Stories inspire us, they anchor us with memories and give us an example of how characters were able to overcome their difficulties. Stories create mental images, they create archetypes of great strength. A narration about your own life or the life of a loved one, or about a myth or a stranger can, at a given moment, work as an incentive or as leverage to help you find a solution in your inner strength, in your determination to persevere, your will to serve, and stories, for that reason, are very important.