María Jesús Álava
"The frustration is the path of the knowledge and that is the key of the intelligence".
The need of limits to any age
In the adolescence, the first thing is have patience, it second is that know that is a period that goes to happen, fortunately. And later: a lot of understanding. Themselves are not at ease, not know very well where are, are looking for your space in the world, are trying be. Goes to cause lots of times. And has to feel your confidence, your peace of mind, that not lose the control. When sees that not enter your provocations, go to achieve a lot of authority. You know that, although is saying as that not wants nothing with you, deep down you follows needing. At this time of major insecurity, needs also your approval, needs feel that you follow feeling proud of he, that follow thinking that is a really smart boy, that trust. Mira very well what do, with who, what symptoms have the things that more you can worry, tries listen a lot, observe enormously and bring closer you only in those moments in which he you it goes to allow.
Which be the major pending issue parental? Teach to live, clarísimamente. What such if had a subject that the could teach to our children that is how know you better? How take out the best thing of you same? How know to the people that have surrounding? How be a lot of more sociable? How learn to listen? How learn to reason? How learn to think? That is, how develop that emotional intelligence? All in all, be how learn to live. If us knew more, know relate us, know be happy, that is the ultimate aim that all look for, and be fewer manipulables. Do children, adolescents, young people, adults that are authentic, that are they, that not are manipulables.
One of the big mistakes is the overprotection. Are trying that your life is so simple that, in the end, them are ankylosing. In the end, go to walk in this species of career that is the life with crutches, not go to be able to jump the obstacles with which face. Is be to your side, but not for go ahead, simply stay back just in case at one point see that fall.
All the children need guidelines, norms, limits, is an error not put them to him, as is an error think that not is for so much, and yield for avoid ills great. This is something that see in many parents. And neither do that the children that carry good yield depending on your brothers. Not sacrifice to ones because almost always sacrifice to the one which better carries, depending on the other that is the one which has great difficulties, which is a major injustice. But is an issue basic that are worried about a lot, and is, let's teach them to think, let's teach them to reason. Know that the happiness is in the generosity. The majority of the children today them educate in the consumerism, and if them give all in exchange for nothing, start for not give value to the things and end for not give value to the people. This is a major drama. All in all, not are colleagues, not them overprotect, not yield sometimes for avoid ills great. Put a series of guidelines, of norms, of clearly established limits, act depending on how is every boy and with that uniqueness unify criteria among the parents. Let's deal them according to the age that have and to the uniqueness that they can transmit you and let's give them always confidence in them, but confidence in us.
A boy has to frustrate in order learn, for elaborate resources. This is one of the major dramas that have right now. At this time in the centers of psychology, the period that more us comes of people are young people of eighteen to thirty years. Does twenty years, the young people not came to a center of psychology, you the brought the parents when were very desperate. Now why come? Because not have resources before the life, that is, not have been able to frustrate, not them have given that opportunity. Imagine a baby that wants start to walk, what is what does? Tries get up, falls. The frustration, for that matter, is the path of the knowledge, and that is the key of the intelligence. Clear that you have to frustrate, because if not, not go to live, because have to experience, because have to give you account when get right and when make mistakes, and have to learn from those errors. The children that not frustrate not learn in the life. In the life go to have circumstances difficult, moments in which not them go to help, facts in which they are really very alone. As not have elaborated those resources, it go to have very difficult. The frustration is necessary.
More than María Jesús Álava
- Graduated in Psychology for the Complutense University of Madrid and Master's degree in Psychology Pedagogical. Is teacher of the Complutense University of Madrid and the Universidad Internacional Menéndez Pelayo, and member of the Consultant Advisor of the Fundación Spanish for the Promotion and the Scientific Development and Professional of the Psychology. María Jesús Álava Reyes is author, moreover, of books as ‘La Truth of the Mentira’, the encyclopedia ‘La Psychology that us support to vivir’, ‘La Good Educación’ and ‘La futility of the sufrimiento’.
- What can do the parents for help to our children to have a self-esteem good?
The self-esteem is essential for live and for feel good. For that matter, what is? That a boy accepts, wants to itself, trusts, that has skills of reaction before the difficulties, that is a boy resiliente, that in moments complicated goes out moves forward good. But not is easy. Is some children that the have from small, with a self-esteem fantastic, that want a lot, have stability emotional. But what are you doing for favor it? Teach him really how is, and moreover to the boy and to the teenager, not is nothing that more likes that talk on itself. Teach him how is in depth, remind him how was of small, what more you called the attention, what you wanted, what you admired and, from there, you go saying all the things fantastic that has gone doing over your life, and all the things that know that can do. The self-esteem is want you as are. Say him in what is singular, in what is special. If he learns to know, learns to want and learns to accept, goes to have a high self-esteem.