Angel Peralbo, Psychologist
"The adolescents expect attention, limits and listens active on the part of your parents".
Formulas for educate without anger
The adolescence is a phase in which leave back that state child. And us allows arrive to young people and adults. The first central characteristic is that in a short time gives a real revolution. Are, moreover, fully aware of all that them is happening. What happens is that not you find a lot meaning. Is a phase rompedora and for this reason is. What requires is that them provide attention. Have spoken a lot of of they and of they, but maybe not are deepening in which can be your authentic needs.
Is problems that see and other that not see. And the parents have to be all attention. As moreover is the phase in which tend to isolate or state all that intensity that have, that block is important also take care of it. Starting through which see, obviously, for example, the behaviors of risk. The behaviors of risk are specific to the adolescence. Also, if extrapolate the vision to when are adults, is where hatch the majority of the problems linked to the lack of control of impulses. Of course, addictions. Those elements of risk, as is the alcohol, the consumption of cannabis, the tobacco, is one of the major problems that have. Because, moreover, in the measure in which hatch to this age go to have adults with a lot of difficulty for autoregulate. Not so much the issue of the sex, the issue of the precocious behaviors, because is the age in which have to give. I would say that the element of worry is when it sum to those other behaviors of risk. Because gives in situations of authentic lack of control. Actually, every time see more nippers and nippers that it do and later feel ill. Because not have had that control for, really, do it. Those are two of the major problems that I understand that is necessary to take care of.
Another major problem is related to the disorders behavioral food. Is one of the major problems, at this time, that follows growing. And follows growing because in the end, really, hatches in a way of life. Hatches in a style of learn to eat, but also of learn to live. Think that not only the adolescents, but long before, already start to work for models. From the point of view of the aesthetic, are very precocious, with some styles and with some sizes sometimes absolutely unfeasible. Therefore, already hatches from good small, sometimes, some elements that see. See too daring styles for the age that have or behaviors of manipulation with the food.
Earlier talked of those problem areas that not see. Those problem areas that, really, only go to be able to be able to deal with in the measure in which are good observers and establish a communication process with our children that us allows access they. If not, is unfeasible. From a style educational tremendously distant, cold, very authoritative, goes to be very difficult that can access that type of questions. From a style absolutely nothing marked, tremendously flexible, and that almost more than parents can opinion your identical ones, neither. Because leave to lose that strictness. Is a balance perfectly conseguible.
The adolescents, on the one hand always say that are wishing that species of limit of those parents because your friends not the go to put, but also are wishing a process of listens active on the part of the parents and that really interest. Although sometimes, paradoxically, not it seems.
One of the things more important is go out of our safety zone . The parents feel insurance to the talk of issues that have to see with the school, how much have eaten, how have eaten, with who have state, what have fact and how many duties have. Is a series of issues that go to go to an etiquette of repetition, of insistence, which the adolescents clearly no longer bear. Arrives a moment in which they you go to divert the attention. And if per se isolate, this goes to help to that really not connect. The first thing: forget this type of communication. The value of the communication it gives the result that has, whom goes directed, the effect that gives the receiver. Therefore, the adolescents are receivers of another type of communication.
Want that they understand which is the responsibility, what is an adult, because already them consider adults for lots of questions, but us costs to we understand that a phase through which have past and that be able to perfectly understand, us costs go down to that level. Have to approach the teenager. That is, be able to listen him, be able to search which are your interests. One of the major difficulties is be able to understand what is in that cabecita, what is interested in, without critical trial. Once adopt a language a lot of more empathetic, that tried see which are those games that really has in the console, or which are those issues that perhaps to we not are interested in nothing as adults; there can have a connection important.
What want is that your parents also interest for your things. That's essential. Although your things us result anodyne or directly are rompedoras and for this reason think, that path, those children that do the sport, that touch that music, that do those extra-curricular ones with which the parents agree. And suddenly start to want do things, as the one which wants do boxing. And then the parents already are thinking in fights tremendous. O el that wants start to touch an instrument, and touch with a group, and the parents already start to scare because it start to associate to those behaviors of risk that also sometimes are worried about. There is necessary to land a little bit and connect with those adolescents that go to be enchanted. Not of share it, because are realists, all not it go to tell to the parents, but yes of start to filter. Above all if understand that, when them says something, my father and my mother not leave to anger. And two, it second that go to do, as well as the annoyance, not is criticize me and say me that what have in thead is a barbarity. If those two elements are good managed, goes to be all a lot of easier.
More than Angel Peralbo
- Graduated in Psychology and post graduate in Clinical Psychology of the Boy and of the Teenager, Angel Peralbo takes 20 years analyzing the social and biological changes that happen in the adolescence. Is also author of the books ‘Educar without ira’ and ‘De girls to malotas’.
- Is necessary to help to the children with the duties or is necessary to give them autonomy?
Not are your schoolteachers, are your parents. Therefore, have to have an all-inclusive vision and a lot of more conciliatory and for this reason really they need at this time. I would say, the first thing: untroubled. Is that seems that want that our children achieve that instant success. That success that sometimes not is more than the projection parental, that have in thead that want an Einstein, and then it translate in that species of pressure, insistence. Have a lot time. Owe insist in which feel good, strong, that go learning, leave doing little bit to little people in charge, go taking out those resources by themselves that them help to learn. Because go to be learning all the life. Sometimes us charge a bit that seed because want see already all the field grown. Second: consider the effort.